It may be too late in the day for cogent thought, but perhaps I can get something out that will stimulate understandable writing in a day or two. What is muddled in my head is attraction, what is it made of (for me) and how different is it regarding different people. Well, for me it almost always involves women - I have seen a handful of men who had attractive qualities (to me), but those were always their effeminate qualities, which makes me think that my ability to be happily bisexual is severely limited.
Occasionally I'll see a woman who looks very attractive - typically in person, although occasionally in still or moving pictures. I am not sure what that means, because said attraction seems to be linked to my own personal state of being at that moment. What I mean by that is, a given picture of a woman may appear attractive to me one day, and not particularly attractive on another day. Aside from the question of how or why that happens, more importantly is the question, who cares (or, what does it mean, a similar question whether you believe it or not). What is even more interesting (or disturbing) is that I have similar experiences when interacting with live people. A friend or acquaintance will appear very attractive one time, and not nearly so another - I realize that this may be due to changes in both our states, but I wonder if it doesn't have considerably more to do with my state of mind than theirs. And state of mind is not even the correct concept: it's more like an emotional or spiritual state of being. And there is my dilemma. I do not see a fundamental difference between "a passing fancy" and a deep desire for a long term committed relationship, it's only a matter of degree. And I don't think that my "problem" is in any way unique to me. Both sides of every relationship must have a similar ebb and flow of desire, of that physical need to interact erotically. So what? Well, in a society that insists on sexual fidelity, this could be at best a perverse subordination of our natural selves, at worse a clear death knell for relationships as they are traditionally defined for our culture. Or, maybe it's why we have the culture that we really have under the surface, with lots of sex before marriage, lots of extramarital affairs, and a reasonable amount of divorce. Whereas if we were all a bit more reasonable about the relationship between sex, long term relationships, multiple partners, etc., we might all be a lot more happy. This from a guy whose two marriages ended because of issues around sexual fidelity. Also, from a guy who has yet to see his poly-amorous friends have a the straightforward healthy intimate relationships that their philosophy promises. And yet, what we have established as the status quo is so twisted and damaging, I really don't feel particularly compelled to help ensure its continued existence. But with all this said, it is really a side issue. Well, maybe not - because part of this discussion is to examine the interrelationship of erotic desire and long term stable relationships (if there actually is a connection).
OK, so the first key question that I want to examine (and probably in subsequent posts, since this one is already getting a bit wordy), what is the importance of an extremely highly charged erotic connection between two people? And what is the appropriate response when you realize that you have such a mutually felt connection (and perhaps some other time, how one-sided can such a connection be? Can one person be totally ga-ga over another with practically no reciprocal attraction what so ever: my guess on that would be HELL YES). But, some potential responses to a mutually shared extremely strong erotic connection with another person are:

• run like hell: feel the fear of such a viscerally palpable connection to another human being - I haven't employed this one just yet, but I certainly have been tempted
•  go all in: this was my approach with Eva, and while it was gloriously indulgent and by far the most intensely physically pleasurable experience so far, I remain confused
• take it slow: I tried this, after a fashion, with Kasia with somewhat mixed results. I guess it's not "over", although for all intents and purposes it's over unless something dramatic happens in the future. But I never really uncovered our connectability...

 I guess that there aren't really lots of ways to react once you realize you have met someone who has intense mutual erotic interest in you - but my current problem is determining if that connection exists before "committing". That is, before getting to the point in a relationship where you can't blithely walk away with no hard feelings, figure out if you could connect happily with someone. But that's the old "I can't use that power, it could destroy" ploy: you can't create without the power to destroy, you can't know if you can have a connection until you do have a connection.
I'm sorry for the wandering, fuzzy, tortuous path of this post, I am truly trying to get to something, but I don't know how to say it. Maybe I need to write some stories, explore these ideas in parable - I sure don't seem to be getting anywhere just laying out the "arguments" as I see them, it's just a huge, confusing mess. OK, so next time I'll do my best to write a story about some kind of erotic connection, and see if that gets me any clarity in my own thinking (unlike the above mess).